I have been betrayed. Someone I trusted completely and fully, took advantage of my trust. It hurts; it hurts a lot. I have always believed in the importance of trust, in all of the areas that I am a leader, I try extremely hard not to micro-manage or control. I know that I do not have all of the answers and that when everyone in a group in engaged in the process, amazing things can happen. For relationships to work, here must be trust. For all of those that I call friend, trust is at the core of our relationship. I have been blessed to have many amazing people in my life, and each person that has entered my life has left an imprint on what makes me who I am. I always have tried to accept those around me by looking to their gifts and strengths. That does not mean I get along with everyone, or that I am able to work with everyone, or that everyone is going to like me. I am human, and with that comes some negatives, self-doubt, negativity, and lying to name a few. That little bit of evil that lives in us and comes to the surface in our weakest times. It raises it's ugly head and changes our reality. This person that I trusted, that I believed in, that I called friend, used the trust of those around them to their own benefit. I will never fully understand why they did the things that they did, and right now I am not in a good place to try. I know that they have their reasons, and their side of the story. The biggest weight on my heart is that this not only affected me, it affected everyone around us in a myriad of ways. The ripple effect of this person's actions will flow for some time to come, and in ways that I can not even imagine. I am trying to understand all that has happened, and why. In order to do this, I keep trying to focus on one of my favorite Bible verses:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make straight your paths.
As I try to focus on these words, I realize that I am questioning the many ways that I keep faith. I question my faith in God, my faith in people, but I really question my faith in myself. I am letting that ugly head of evil surface, bringing forward self-doubt and guilt. I need to get past what I am feeling. I need to acknowledge the feelings accept them for what they are, then focus on the very truthful verse above. Lift every little detail up in prayer. I need to move on to working towards Grace and Forgiveness. To do what I know is right. I need time to heal. I know that what has happened has forever changed me, I just need to make sure that it is for the better.