I have been married for 38 years. I can not believe it, 38 years! I have lived with my husband longer than anyone else in my life. In that 38 years I have evolved a lot, all of it in community with my husband (poor guy!). I have been through hellos and goodbyes. Hellos, in the form of new life, the birth of my three amazing children, new friends, and new communities. Goodbyes, in the death of, parents, close relatives and friends, and people moving away. Let’s not forget about all of the people that pass through my life on a daily basis. Each person, each event, each moment, leaves an impression on me. Each encounter is a part of the evolution of me.
I am now entering the second half of my life. I am more focused and calmer then I was 38 years ago, seriously! What is important to me has changed. Screw keeping up with those around me and the pressures of achieving. Now, I am happy to get through the day by finding joy in individual moments. My faith and what drives it has changed in ways I never imagined. When I was younger I wanted to learn more, try to understand the Bible and I questioned and debated everything. Now, I simplly believe. I want to share my faith, by living it, serving and speaking. I am more secure in who Maryanne is. Notice I said more secure not totally secure, that will probably never happen, and I am finally good with that. I am able to ask for forgiveness and forgive more. I am in a better place with a better frame of mind. I think that I am perfect within my imperfections. Does that make sense?
There is a book by Father Richard Rohr called “Falling Upwards” I encourage you to read it, and I would love to talk with you about it, when you do. It is a great read, not an easy read, some of what he shares, requires time and thought to process, still a worthwhile book. In it he shares “The ego hates losing – even to God.” I have started to choose not to listen to ego. I consciously take time to look into my thoughts and try to choose the more positive directions. I still fall short, I still make mistakes, I still follow bunny trails into the dark. Maybe, just maybe good enough is just that, good enough.
Here is who I have come to believe I am, the person God created me to be and that who, through time and experience, I have become:
I am a beloved child of God, I am loved and I love, I am hardworking, intelligent, caring and giving. I am a leader.
Father Richard says “When you get your,'Who am I?', question right, all of your,'What should I do?' questions tend to take care of themselves” ― Richard Rohr, Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life.
Let me ask you, “Who are you?”